Tori.

We can't wait for her to die. She never had kids, she never got married, she left no mark on this world.

"Victoria, let go. It's okay to go." 

Maybe, now that she's dying, we won't have to visit this stupid home anymore. I've been here too long if she's not gonna die tonight. Well, call me and let me know. I'm going home. 

Everyone exits. Close up on the girl in the bed that could hear everything. Weeping silently begging God to take her back. 

But then again, this world didn't want her, why would you want her back? 

Evelyn.

We neglected her. Because she didn't have children to take care of her, her nieces and nephews felt obligated. She's always been old, since I've know her. She knew death was approaching it. And she wanted it. She wanted it so bad because we couldn't make her feel loved enough. She always thought she was the ugly one. She always thought she was a burden. And now, she's laying on her fucking death bed and all you guys can talk about is how this is such a bad time for it to happen because you're busy. Are you fucking kidding me? You're too busy for Evelyn? The sweetest, saddest girl on the planet? She told my mom she just wanted to die a couple of years ago. And my mom told her to pray. She told her to pray to God about whether or not He wanted her to go or not. And you know what? He didn't answer her. And you know what fucking sucks? When people tell you to pray to God and he doesn't give you a reply. Because that makes you feel pretty damn lonely. Not even God wanted to talk to you. You felt like family didn't love you, you felt like the ugly one, and you felt like the burden. And all you had was God. And you couldn't see him. You couldn't hear him. He wasn't there. What the fuck. Evelyn, I care about you. I think you're beautiful. At this point, dying might be best for you. I know you've never liked being in assisted living places. I want you to go and not feel the pain anymore. Just, please. Do it peacefully. You're gonna leave me in a couple days. Maybe a couple hours. I don't know. But I want you to know that even if you think nobody cared about you, I love you. I always have and I always will. Everything's going to be okay. 

Everything. 

I'm just clingy and insecure. 

I'm gonna get the title, but other girls are winning over me. 

And for some reason, I'm letting that be okay. 

Last night.

I love you. And you make me so happy. 

Nothing is more painful than coming home. 

I'm gonna give my kids a dad that gives a fuck about them. 

"Let's never fight like that again." - You. 

You left, not me. 

My love.

He picked me up from a baseball game to go to our friends graduation party. I was wearing my ugly jeans, a huge hoodie, my hair looked terrible and I was soaked from standing outside at my brother's baseball game. I got in his car and pathetically said "woohoo." He was silent, so I looked over at him. 

"You're beautiful," he said cracking a smile, "I love you."  

And that's when I believed that he really thought so. The first person I have believed since Ethan. I don't know what happened within these past couple weeks, but I have never been happier. 

My favorite thing my mother has ever said to me.

"My baby Walker is going to be a sophomore!" 

"Mom, why are you crying? I'm going to be a senior. Cry about that." 

"But you've got big plans. High school is just holding you back. You have to get out of here." 

Read Through

Stereotypical High School Girl Post

I'm not exactly sure what happened, but I'm so glad it did . We called things off on a Sunday, but by that Saturday, we had made up. And we have been so different since. I could not be happier. This is the you that I wanted to see. And I get to see it all the time. 

I love you. And when I say that, it makes me think that every other time I have said it, it hasn't meant anything close to what it does now. 

That, my friends, is the greatest feeling in the world. 

People stopped giving a shit about me a long time ago. 

I guess I just needed something stronger than those pills. 

Michael Duncan

May 30th, 2012

Michael Duncan's first day of Bath House. 

Believe it or not, Michael was nervous as hell. It was Lucky Duck auditions. Jo was the first person to ever believe in me, and that meant everything and more to me. So, I would do whatever it would take to impress her. I felt awesome everytime she asked me to lead warm ups, and that day, I did so proudly. We got in a circle and played a game that required us all to put our arms around each other and Michael did not like that at all. We kept playing the game with the people next to him having their arms to the side. And I'll never forget how quiet he was because, well, that's not a common thing. I am a very touchy person.. A very, VERY touchy person. And that bothered me. A lot. It shouldn't, but it did. And thank God it did. Because I walked across the circle, put michaels arm around me, and moved my hand around in circles on his back and told him 

"Babe, bath house Is gonna be fun. But.. You have to give it a chance." 

Ever since that day, Michael has been Michael. And it's the best thing that has ever happened to me. 

One step at a time

It's taken a year, but we're ready. He's hanging out with my family in about two weeks and we're gonna try after that. I'm incredibly nervous. But at the same time, I'm not. This is what we both want. Should have probably done this a long time ago.

I'm breathing on my own. 

I am breathing. On my own. 

The end of my finger tips and pen belong do the scarier side of my existence that you don't want to know 

I love you too.

"Radzie, can I have a hug?"

"Tori, thank you so much."